You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
