I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
