if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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