Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
