This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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