I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
