We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
