My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to align my fucking chakras
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
