I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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