they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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