i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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