Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
