No stitches, just platelets and will power
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
