if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
