I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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