my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
