I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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