So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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