I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
