I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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