so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can I color on your dick again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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