youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
