You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We left the knife in your bed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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