I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
