I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
