My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
