My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
