So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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