Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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