As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
