btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ugly people sure do ruin things
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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