I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
