Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nicole vs. Life
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
