If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
