Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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