i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
