Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
