she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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