This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
