Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
