Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
