Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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