I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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