census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
