a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
