We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
