just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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