Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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