South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
