We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
