matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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