just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
two words...techno handjob
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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