I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
