I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
